Where have you been?!?!

So, I decided to take a little break from posting - ok so it's been like four months.  I didn't really have anything exciting to post, so I just figured I'd take a little time away.  But I just wanted to give a little update and I have a few more blog post planned for the upcoming weeks.  

First of all we decided against doing the IUI back in November.  First of all we still don't understand what is causing the issue, so we didn't want to continue to throw money away.  Whatever the issue is, could also prevent the IUI from working.  So, I got off the Letrozole and started taking Chinese Herbal Supplements, which is ones of the post that I plan on doing soon.

Once I was off the Letrozole for a month, I couldn't believe my mood change.  Jerry had been telling me how emotional I was and I just kept thinking he was crazy - guess what this time he wasn't.  I started to feel normal again and less crazy, even though I didn't realize at the time I was being crazy.  There were so many days I would just sit and feel sorry for myself. I would feel like I was in this fight alone, when I KNOW I'm not.  I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone and they truly understand.  But now I realize that its not about understanding what I'm going through, its about being there while I'm going through it. 

Then, I decided to join weight watchers in January to get some of this access weight off. I'm doing good, but not great.  I think it would help if I got my butt up and moving.

Anyways, I just wanted to check in quickly and just give a quick update.

Praying for Baby B!

Jacki

What to do??

It's with great sadness that I have to say that another cycle was unsuccessful.  I keep thinking that I must be doing something wrong, I just wish I knew what it was so I could fix it.  Or there must be something wrong with me and again I just wish I knew what it was so I could change it.  I mean to just keep getting told, your test have all come back fine, there are no issues, yet here we are all these months later and still no Baby B.

I sit here and I try to figure out what the next step is.  The Dr. is suggesting changing my medicine to Clomid with IUI.  I had several days of spotting before my last cycle and my cycles are not getting any longer, so  Dr. feels like the Letrozole isn't working as we had hoped.  Clomid has a few side effects that are more intense than the Letrzole. It can also negatively effect cervical mucus and the uterine lining.  But the Dr must feel its a better option to get us to our blessing, or else she wouldn't recommend it right?

Another option would be to get off of the pharmaceuticals all together, and switch to just herbal supplements and vitamins.  It would be a natural way to encourage a normal cycle and nourish the ovaries.  It takes 3 months for the supplements to become effective, so that would be a while and then there is no guarantee (like anything else) that it would work right away.  There are almost no side effects.

Or we can do neither and just continue to pray. Which if I was 21 instead of 31 would be fine with, but the older I get the less likely to have good eggs left.

I honestly feel its going to happen for us, I'm just not sure how.  We continue to ask for God's blessing, to give us a blessing.  It happens in his time and not ours. Patience is something that I need to learn, but I'm not very good at it.  You would think I would be used to waiting, it took us 7 years to get married ;)

Please continue to Pray for Baby B!

Jacki

I'm Amazed

Every time I read and I learn more about our body and our reproductive system I become more and more amazed.  Recently I came across an article by Lauren Conrad that explains what your breakouts mean on your face. It doesn't just mean that you haven't washed your face good enough, 

You know those pesky blemishes you get on your chin? Those are actually caused from hormonal changes in you body. Usually letting you know that you are about to start your cycle. And according to Lauren's article depending on which side the break out is on, that is the side you probably ovulated on. (Click Here to read the full article)

So I asked Maureen about this and she said it is possible.  That different points in your body correlate with other parts of your body. Which is why to help nourish my uterus, she sometimes places the needles in my hands, feet, legs, abdomen and back. 

So I waited to see wanted to see how true that actually was.  This cycle I paid attention to which side I felt ovulation pain on - right side. Then I waited to see if my chin broke out and guess what, it did - right side.  While this is not scientific proof, I believe it more.

I decided to read up a little bit more about it and discovered that the deeper, more cystic type of blemish could indicate that you have PCOS.  While this is not true for everyone, it could also be a warning for infertility. 

The more you know :)

Praying for Baby B!

Jacki   

I got a response!

So I didn't really have anything planned to write about today, so I would just thought I'd share my response I got... :)

So as you know I sent Missouri State Senator Clarie Mc Caskill an email regarding becoming the 16th state to require coverage and here is her response... 

October 22, 2014

Dear Mrs. Brown,

Thank you for contacting me regarding insurance coverage for infertility treatments.  I appreciate hearing from you and welcome the opportunity to respond.

There are many couples who not only face the challenges of infertility, but also the high cost of treatment.  Today, only 15 states have passed laws that require insurers to either cover or offer coverage for infertility diagnosis and treatment, and Missouri is not one of them.

Couples with infertility are confronted with various struggles, which is why I am pleased that the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act prohibits insurance companies from discriminating due to pre-existing conditions beginning in 2014.  Some insurance plans consider infertility to be a pre-existing condition.

As you may know, on May 7, 2013, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand of New York introduced the Family Act (S. 881).  The Family Act would create a tax credit for infertility treatment expenses.  The Family Act has been referred to the Senate Committee on Finance where it awaits further consideration.  While I do not serve on this committee, should this legislation come before the full Senate for a vote, I will be sure to keep your views in mind.

As a mother and woman, I feel a strong personal connection to those seeking to build their own families, including those who face frustrating medical challenges.  I will continue to monitor developments in supporting families seeking to have children but facing the challenges of infertility. Again, thank you for contacting me. Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future if I can be of further assistance to you on this or any other issue.

Sincerely,

Claire McCaskill
United States Senator

P.S. If you would like more information about resources that can help Missourians, or what I am doing in the Senate on your behalf, please sign up for my email newsletter athttp://mccaskill.senate.gov.

I was impressed that someone actually read my email and responded personally.  I know it wasn't the Senator that responded, probably someone on her staff did. Its obviously not the response I want to hear, but it been brought back to their attention. Also, I checked on Family Act (S. 881) and as of right now it is not being passed...

Praying for Baby B!!

Jacki

You're Trying to Hard

I keep hearing "your trying to hard" or "you're too stressed, just relax and it'll happen", so me being me I decided to look more into that theory.

"Twenty years ago the rate of unexplained infertility was between 10-20%. Today we see up to 40%. Women's bodies aren't different, but their stress levels are, and combined with the ticking of teh biological clock, I believe it sets the stage for infertility. Moreover, doctors say ofter the stress of actually undergoing inferitlity treatments can be so great it can stop even the most successful procedures from working" (Source:\http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/features/infertility-stress )

Most of what I read still stated that stress would be a minor factor for infertilit, but since ours is "unknown" maybe there is some truth to it?!? But I can tell you that the acupuncture is really helping me to relax. However, I don't really think i have that much stress in my life. I have to obvious little from work, money concerns and what to make for dinner.

I think I'm just a natural worry wart - its like genetics and not my fault!!! But I'm always thinking about something, and the worst possible outcomes. 

Some suggestions I've read to help relax:

• Rethink your attitude - never realized before that I'm a pessimist, who knew
• Journaling - I think this blog is my outlet
• Be active and exercise - something I've wanted to start but just don't make time for it
• Relaxation - Acupunture (wish I could go more), crocheting, and reading

Ironically studies have also shown that stress is a byproduct of infertility, which means it can be a vicious cycle.  While relaxing is not liking to cause you to become pregnant, activities such as exercise, laughing, yoga, meditation, resting, hobbies and spending time with people you enjoy will make the journey a little easier to bear and can enhance your well-being.

So my take away is... I need a vacation, no housework and a driver from now until Baby B decides to make their presence known. ;)

Praying for Baby B!

Jacki

What is Letrozole?

During day 3-7 of my cycle I have to take a medicine called Letrozole.  Some people have asked what exactly does the medicine do and why am I taking it - well the short answer is because I was told to.

Letrozole is actually a medicine for the treatment of hormonally responsive breast cancer, however it has been used since 2001 for ovarian stimulation.  It is not currently FDA approved for the treatment of infertility, but studies have shown its effectiveness in women with ovulation problems or unexplained infertility.  Letrozole has fewer side effects than the similar drug Clomid.

I need this shirt some days, haha!!!

It works by decreasing the amount of estrogen the body makes.  When this happens the brain and pituitary gland increase the output of FSH, which is follicle stimulating hormone.  The hormone could result in producing a mature follicle in the ovary and ovulation of an egg.  For women that already ovulate, it COULD cause the possibility of multiple follicles and mulyiple eggs releasing - which just means a greater chance for Baby B!!!!

Many doctors prefer Letrozole to Clomid for many reasons.  It has fewer side effects, less chance for birth defects, does not adversly affect the uterine lining or the cervical mucus.  Letrozole is out of your system in 9 days, where as it takes Clomid as long as 8 weeks (which leads to a less chance for it to be in your system when you get pregnant).

Even with a medicarted cycle, you still only have a 1 and 4 chance of conceiving in a cycle. (Makes you wonder how there are so many "ooppss" babies doesn't it, haha!) That chance does not increase every month, it still remains 1 in 4.  I point that out because when I inititally heard those numbers I assumed "Oh I'll be pregnant in 4 months", nope not how this works.  

Just because I thought it was hilarious!!!

So we just started our 5th cycle with Letrozole.  I've read that for whatever reason (maybe your body "learns" for each cycle - I have no clue just guessing), after the 4th cycle couples seem to have more success.

I try to research and understand as much as possible when taking madicine to supplesments, just so I know what to expect and even prepare for it.  The only side effects that I've felt are mood swings, weight gain, and headaches.

Praying for Baby B!

Jacki

Another month cycle bites the dust…

Well…we found out Saturday morning that it didn’t happen this cycle.  I never really felt like I’m great at anything; yea I can crochet and I’m good at it, but I’m not great.  I could probably make a long list of things that I’m good at but not great at – but being mom wasn’t going to be on that list.  I always felt like the one thing I would be good at was being a mom. That I would finally feel like “This is it, this is what I was meant to be”.  I have an awesome mom and I’ve learned so much from her - I feel like if I was even half as awesome as her I’d also be a great mom.  Now I feel like I can’t even get that right. I know this is something beyond my control, but I almost feel like the universe is punishing me for something.  What did I do?!?!

For me, having a baby has been, and will always be, a lifelong dream.  When I was younger I always wanted to be the mommy and loved playing with dolls. My first job was a babysitter because I loved being around kids. I even thought about working at a daycare or becoming a teacher but was told “You don’t want to do that, there’s no money in it”. But now I wonder if I was taken down another path because being around kids day after day might have been unbearable – who knows.

Last week during a casual conversation I was asked that dreaded question for the millionth time and all I wanted to do was scream at the person “WE”RE TRYING!!!!!” but no you can’t do that and I don’t even know this person well enough for them to ask me something like that.  He said well you’ve been married for a while now, what are you waiting for? Really?!? I tell you that to caution you not to be that person, and I can admit before going through all this I was that person.  Now I see how inconsiderate it can be without meaning to be.

Lately it seems like I just keep hearing about people getting pregnant.  Don’t get me wrong: I am so happy that it has happened for them, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I didn’t hurt inside every time someone new announces a pregnancy or gender reveal .  How is everyone else pregnant right now?  What about me, when is it my turn?

I know God will bless us, but I just wish it was sooner than later.  Not really sure what the next step is…

Praying for Baby B!

Jacki